I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
