If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
