After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
