We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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