I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize