I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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