Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
