Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have demons in me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
