you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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