Will you blow on my dice?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
