I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize