I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i think i just lost a toe
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
