My liver just broke up with me...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just found puke in my bra..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
