Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
