my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize