we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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