How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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