Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
