i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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