They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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