piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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