I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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