you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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