Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
