Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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