i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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