i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
