I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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