i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
