You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
