he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
