That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
