Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
