When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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