At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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