I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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