just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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