Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
