it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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