i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Randomize
