I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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