ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
