you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
