Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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