why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
