the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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