How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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