he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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