please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
