Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
