he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
