During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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