You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
