i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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