i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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