He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
this hospital has no fireball
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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