my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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