Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
