It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
