I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
