You just made me feel so damn special
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
